Steam · Reviewed by videogamedunkey · Published 2026-06-23
Based on a review by videogamedunkey (accessed 2026-06-23).
Based on this review alone: buy it if you care about considered a "beast" that makes ps5 pro look amateurish — just accept actual price ($1050-$1350) is significantly higher than the reviewer's initial estimate ($65-$70), suggesting a substantial discrepancy in perceived value.
The reviewer sarcastically proclaims the Steam Cube to be a "dream come true machine" and "the world's most powerful console," despite providing deliberately absurd performance metrics like 12-20 FPS and "800 resolution," making it clear the product is ironically presented as exceptional while being objectively poor.
This satirical review covers the new "Steam Cube" (also called "Steam Machine" or "Gabe Cube"), humorously detailing its supposed groundbreaking features and performance. The reviewer discusses its graphics, frame rates, comparisons to other consoles, and pricing.
The Steam Cube is the world's most powerful console, blowing away competitors like the PS5 Pro with its unprecedented technical capabilities. The reviewer observed impressive frame rates of 12 to 17 FPS and up to 800 resolution, along with working shadows and audio. While the reviewer initially estimated a price of $65-70 for the experience, the console actually retails for $1050 for the 512GB storage version. If you are a connoisseur of the technical side of gaming and prioritize unique innovations, this console is an investment. If you expect traditional high performance and value, you might find its offerings unconventional.
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The reviewer claims the Steam Cube is "a beast" that makes the "PS5 Pro look amateurish by comparison," despite later revealing very poor performance metrics.
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The reviewer states the console achieves "up to 800 resolution," a very low resolution for a modern console, presented ironically as impressive.
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The reviewer humorously notes that "shadows are working," implying that even basic graphical features are an achievement for the console.
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The reviewer states the Steam Cube is "a stronger console than the Switch one technically," setting a very low bar for a supposedly powerful machine.
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The reviewer mentions that "Working audio is always nice to see," sarcastically highlighting a basic feature as noteworthy.
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The reviewer states the Steam Cube is "even stronger than the Dreamcast by a little," an extremely old console, further emphasizing the satirical poor performance.
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The reviewer reports seeing very low frame rates, specifically "12 FPS," "15 FPS," and "17 FPS," while ironically calling this impressive for "people in the know."
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The reviewer recounts confusing "Dutch" and "Uncle" characters due to the graphics, stating "you can't tell the difference on this graphics," highlighting poor visual detail.
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The reviewer claims the Final Fantasy remake "looks better on the Steam Cube than any other console," a highly subjective and sarcastic statement given other performance indicators.
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The reviewer describes Grand Theft Auto 6 graphics as "unprecedented" and mentions "anti-aliasing" and "techniques that were once considered hypothetical," using hyperbolic language to satirize advanced graphical features.
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The reviewer implies the Steam Cube's performance with Crackdown 3 makes it seem "like Xbox never happened," sarcastically suggesting superiority over Xbox consoles.
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The reviewer states the "Steam Machine offers up to 100 megabytes of graphics," an absurdly low amount for a modern gaming console, presented humorously.
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The reviewer later mentions "20 fps" as a positive attribute, along with "rate traced" and "frames per second," humorously using generic terms to praise low performance.
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The reviewer humorously estimates the console would cost "$65 to $70 machine" based on its perceived value.
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The reviewer states the actual price is "$1,050 for the 512 gig storage version and $1350 for THE" (presumably a higher storage model).
The reviewer sarcastically claims "unprecedented graphics" and "techniques that were once considered hypothetical," but also reports extremely low frame rates (12-17 FPS, and later 20 FPS) and "up to 800 resolution" with only "100 megabytes of graphics." Visual fidelity is poor, to the point of confusing characters in games.
While ironically claiming the Steam Cube makes the PS5 Pro look "amateurish" and is superior to even the Xbox One Series XU/Deluxe, the reviewer also compares its technical strength to the original Nintendo Switch and the old Dreamcast, indicating a satirical take on its actual performance relative to modern consoles.
The reviewer humorously guesses the machine would cost "$65 to $70," but then provides the actual prices: $1,050 for the 512 gig storage version and $1,350 for an unspecified larger storage option.
75/100 source quality
In a highly satirical review, videogamedunkey presents the fictional "Steam Cube" console, claiming it to be the "World's Most Powerful Console" and a beast that makes the PS5 Pro look "amateurish." He humorously highlights basic functionalities like "working shadows" and "working audio" as achievements, while reporting absurdly low frame rates (12-20 FPS) and "800 resolution." The reviewer also provides a sarcastic estimated price before giving official, yet still fictional, pricing for different storage versions. The review is a comedic take on console hardware.
Full transcript is not redistributed here to respect the original creator’s rights.
This page converts videogamedunkey's review of the Steam Steam Cube into structured evidence — timestamped claims, pros & cons, and buyer questions. It is not the original review and does not replace watching or reading the full source.
Brand relationship disclosed as: gifted